Mirah’s Refelctions: Don’t Discount the Value of (Kindly) Written Communication

We live in a high-sped world. One word messages or less. Short hand memes, Giffies/Giphys — or even just an emoji — are not uncommon and are sent with the belief that they are received and understood as intended.

Yet, we so often hear that often the reason for so many heated (and quite rabid) disagreements online or via text or other forms of social media e-messaging is that things get misunderstood due to the fact that lost in written communication are:

· Nuances.

· Tone.

· Facial expression.

· Body languages.

All of this Is true, and yet . . .

I want to speak on behalf of the opposite, the flip side . . . the calming and healing role the written word can impart. The long form old fashioned written communication. More like the love letters sent horseback, or war-time letters from soldiers .

Recently I and one of my adult children got into a very hearted exchange that I am embarrassed to say, found me so at my wit’s end to the point that my frustration led me to shout profanities. I’m not proud of it, and while I regretted it immediately, what had triggered my outburst was still with me and needed more time to process.

THAT, is one of the gifts of the written word: time.

When I cooled off and had time to reflect, I realized that I had been wrong to be so angry and that there were obviously some underlying, deep seated feelings and misunderstandings that clarification might help. I thus proceeded to “pen” an email explanation in hopes of explaining and healing.

The result was no less than miraculous. An adult son, heretofore unable to easily express emotionally wrought topics without extreme difficulty if at all, basically said that he loved me understood and all was cool. He reminded me of an offer I had made to help his family many years ago that I had actually forgotten about. He remembered recognized it as a show of love and caring and he was able to express his gratitude. It went a very long to healing us both and never could have happened any other way — at least not for my family.

Communication — and healing — come in many forms, as do people . Let’s not overlook the old fashioned methods as we create curtsie new ways to say I ❤️ you. We are all individual and have different styles of learning, “hearing,” reading, responding and communicating.

If the relationship is of value to you, as mine was with my son, be flexible. Give each their opportunity to try more than one way to communicate. Healthy boundaries are a good thing, but don’t make them unnecessarily impenetrable. Sometimes a holiday car or birthday card once or twice ayear can leave the door open a crack and let some love in — even if it’s not returned.

Even if you don’t get a reply — or not the one you hoped for — it does not mean the message was not received and being pondered . . . unless you are sending it to a no longer existing phone number or email address — or one the other party check very infrequently, if al all. And always consider that whatever is going on with the other may have absolutely nothing to do with you!