From the Frying Pan to the Fire: An Unnecessary Adoption Travesty that Must be Rectified
This is the story of a 16-year-old boy who we will identify with the pseudonym, “Joey,” not his real name, to protect his identity at the request of his mother.
You may have read about the horrors inflicted upon this child by his adopters here or here. Joey, labelled “special needs” was severely abused by his adoptive parents, Jennifer and Richard Ryan who are now in police custody in Iowa for starving him down to 78 pounds and zip-tying him to a four-poster bed, denying him use of a toilet and removing his bed if he wet it.
While the Ryans, who had two other foster children, sit in jail, Joey is in the hospital being treated for malnutrition and non-healing abrasions and bruises from abuse not to mention the emotional ramifications he suffered.
Abuse — physical, sexual and fatal — at the hands of those who adopt happens far more often than the public might be aware of. Adopted children have been subjected to being caged, burned, starved, raped, beaten, left out in the cold, abandoned. Seven-year-old Artyem Savelie was put on a plane alone back to Russia. Others have been rehomed and subjected to every sort of unimaginable torture one could inflict on a helpless, vulnerable human being.
Why? How does this happen again and again in adoptive families? Why do people who adopt — people who do not have children by accident and are allegedly motivated and vetted, including screening for arrests and mental illness addictions — abuse?
Two of the most recent cases, here and here. Adopters have even murdered the children in their care as exemplified by the case of the Hart Family who killed six adopted children and other cases such as this. Unlike people who become pregnant sometimes unexpectantly no one adopts or fosters unintentionally and we assume they do so with the best intentions.
One unusual thing in such cases is that Joey attended public school. A coach at his school noticed he had no lunch and no money to buy lunch and began buying lunch for him. When the Ryans found out, they put a stop to it. Yet, no one called this to the attention of social services. Why? Is it because adoptive parents are considered above reproach? Fosterers and adopters are supposed to be “better than” the parents the child was born to. Society places trust in them to care for another’s child or children. It is thus all the more shocking and horrendous when they violate that trust. Are some sadistic? Are they doing it to profit from subsidies for children labeled “special needs?”
The abuse Joey was subjected to was not reported until January when his abusers brazenly brought him to their place of business and zip-tied him to a chair. Perhaps even more shocking is that Joey has a large extended family vying for custody and a loving mother who lived just four blocks away, who had no idea of the maltreatment he was suffering.
How Did This Happen?
Joey is the eldest child of Shelly Green. He was born in 2004 and was diagnosed with ADHD and ADD. Shelly had two daughters born in 2006 and 2008 and married in 2007. While that marriage didn’t last, Shelly is still close with her former mother-in-law, Julie.
A single mom, Shelly and her 3 kids struggled. They lived with multiple roommates in a house in poor conditions heated by space heaters. Her roommates took in too many stray animals. The stress of all of this led to Shelly’s admitted use of alcohol and drugs. Child Protective Services stepped in and in 2012, Shelly lost custody of all three children.
But let’s be clear: Shelly Green was never accused of abusing any children in her care.
Julie wanted to adopt all three children but the court only allowed her to adopt the two girls, 2 and 4 at the time, to whom she is the biological grandmother. Julie wanted to take Joey too, but was not allowed because she is not biologically related to him. Thus Joey, 7 was placed in foster care with the Ryans and then subsequently adopted by them.
Through tears, Shelly tells me how she said goodbye to him and told him how much she loved him and would always love him.
While Joey was living his hellish life unbeknownst to Shelly, she turned her life around and got into a healthy relationship with her now husband of 11 years. She quit all substance abuse cold turkey, with the exception of a relapse when she lost her children. She has remained clean for ten years now and has maintained a relationship with her girls who live with her former mother-in-law, Julie. When Shelly’s niece saw Joey in the neighborhood, Shelly and her husband bought a house four blocks away but had no idea that he was being mis-treated.
The saddest part is that this child suffered unspeakable torture and deprivation unnecessarily. The problems facing Shelly and her family were all temporary and fixable. Many states have Women and Family recovery programs that keep families intact. Shelly got and stayed clean and healthy, married and purchased a more suitable living quarters. She and her family should have been reunified instead of allowing his monstrous fosterers to adopt him. It makes no sense that Iowa — and how many other states? — would deprive victimized children like Joey from being cared for by competent family.
How is it in any child’s best interest to hold their removal against them under circumstances such as this?
Families fall on hard times. In our efforts to protect children, we need to rethink the knee jerk reaction to remove them from families with temporary problems that can be rectified. Foster care is well documented to be unsafe and often a revolving door. Why is that band-aid solution resorted to instead of trying to ameliorate the root of the familial problems, especially when there is extended family available to help?
All state Child Protective Services need to enact “The Right of First Refusal” which I called for in my first book, shedding light on . . .The Dark Side of Adoption (1988) and again in my second book THE STORK MARKET: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry (2008). This would require contacting and re-assessing the mother and/or seeking extended family any time a relinquished child is not adopted, but lingers in foster care, or when an adoption dissolves or disrupts in cases such as this. Children deserve reunification with family who are capable instead of being put back into the system.
In addition, mothers who had children removed because of temporary crisis, should be reevaluated to see if they have been rehabilitated and resolved all issues that led to the initial child removal and are now able to parent safely and capably. Children — such as Joey — do not deserve to linger in foster care, denied the best resources available to them because of past familial problems that have been remediated.
A Lifeline
It’s hard to believe, but as bad as what he’s been through, Joey is actually one of the lucky ones. Joey has a mother, a step-Dad, two half-sisters, their grandmother, Julie, and a large extended family who learned of his dire situation and are all working to rescue him. Until recently when a small number of infant adoptions became and remained “open” to one extent or another, mothers whose children are removed or they signed over parental rights, often under duress, never knew if their children were dead or alive, abandoned, well cared for or not. Authorities in most states make no effort to contact any kin.
Shelly only learned of the devastating abuse Joey has endured when the Ryans’ arrest made headline news. Had they not still lived in close proximity they may not have seen the news reports of his suffering.
She immediately contacted attorneys to determine how she could regain custody. She has, very sadly, been told that she cannot be given guardianship because she lost custody of her children 10 years ago. This, despite the fact that Shelly cares for her niece grandbabies. Thus, Julie has filed for guardianship of Joey and they will share caring for him, knowing full well he will need years of extensive therapy to overcome the torture he sustained. They are aware that his needs will be enormous and are fully prepared to meet them. Shelly is an at-home fulltime mother and Grandma and her husband of 11 years is gainfully employed and they have health insurance that will cover any care Joey needs.
You Can Help
This family was at one time in need of help, and instead of receiving the help they needed they were decimated and their son defiled. The state of Iowa let them down in the most egregious way. CPS and the school failed them resulting in horrific misfortune for this lad. Let’s help right this wrong and give this adolescent boy what he deserves — his family. A family who wants him and is prepared to properly care for him and attend his needs. We cannot undo the harm he has suffered but we can let the healing begin and not throw him back into the system with other non-related strangers. Write letters to Governor Kim Reynolds, write to your Representatives, Senators and local newspapers. Demand the help this boy and this family deserve. Demand they are reconstituted and made whole once again.
And, you can also contribute to the fund the family has set up to help with legal fees to give this young man what he needs to safely return to his family where he has always belonged, and hopefully where he can recover from the years of abuse.
